So.....a new development. Or maybe not so new. My son told me a similar thing a couple of months ago, but when I talked to Dave, he seemed to understand that shows on TV are not real life. But yesterday, in the afternoon, my husband was watching the SyFy channel - some crazy movie with a giant crocodile or alligator attacking people. He said something about all the people getting eaten. I said, you know that's fake, right? He said, no, it's real - I saw that thing bite two people's heads off. So many people have been killed........
I was a little taken aback! So I explained it was just a story - made up - and that the people were just actors, that it was special effects. He asked how did they make it look so real? Again, I said special effects, and I explained that no actor would ever take a job if they were going to get killed in the part they were playing. I didn't feel like he really believed me! So I was trying to wrap my brain around all this. A little while later, I asked him about Star Wars - it was one of the first movies we saw years ago - I asked him if he thought that was real. He said, that's not real either? Then I said - what about the Harry Potter movies? Hogwarts? Wizardry? Battles with wands! He again said, that's not real either? My response was - it would be really cool if it was real! But no, it's not. He just kept wondering how they make it look so real!
So, my head was spinning. But you know what? For the first time, I was seeing a concrete symptom of his FTD. Everything else - the OCD, the lack of interest in others, the cognitive problems - they have been happening for so long, so gradually, that in the back of my mind, I've wondered if these were just who he was once our kids were grown and gone. I've known there was something wrong, but it was all elusive. And annoying. I admit, it sounds cold and unfeeling, but there are days I'm so tired of making decisions on my own, of having to do everything, give him rides every where, explain so many things to him, fix things he's messed up, get things out of the garbage he's thrown away that shouldn't have been thrown away, worried about all he eats, and on and on. All the things that sometimes people have said "My husband does that, too. Maybe you're making too much of it." But this - there's no denying it - this is new, definitely not normal, and if someone tells me their husband does that also? I'd be giving them some phone numbers and telling them their husband needs help! This is something I know is not subjective - this is "bonkers" - no matter how you look at it. But because I know it's a definitive symptom - and indicates a problem with figuring out what's real or not real - it actually helps me be more compassionate. I know now that things are progressing - it may be small - but it's the first thing that's scary. I start thinking about anyone who might knock on our door when I'm at work; anyone who might call. It brings a new perspective to me about how he looks at the world, how he processes what he hears and sees. We talked a little more today - I was giving him some concrete suggestions on how to tell if what he's seeing on TV is "real" or a story. We talked about different shows - he asked if Wheel of Fortune is real - yes, I said. It's a game show. Most game shows are real. I asked him about Big Bang Theory - he watches a lot of reruns of that - he said, that's real, right? No, I said. Those are actors that have a scripted story they are following, kind of like when our kids did plays in community theater. I asked him about Two and a Half Men (I personally HATE that show) - he thought that might be real also - again, I said no. Tried to tell him what was "real". We watched Dances with Wolves today. I pointed out if you look at the "info" on the TV about the show you're watching, and it lists actors - it's just a story - not happening in real life - no one is dying, or getting eaten, or cursed. I asked him why it didn't worry him if he thought those SyFy movies were real - like five headed sharks, and giant snakes - he said because we don't live near those places, he wasn't worried. I asked about all the vampire movies that are on that channel - he said, well, he doesn't believe in vampires, so he knew those weren't real......go figure. I don't know if he'll retain our discussions - or remember what's real or not real. We'll see. That's an easy one to check periodically. When I asked on the FTD Spouse page on Facebook if others had experienced this, the answer was a resounding yes - some folks' spouses talk to the person in the mirror or won't get undressed with the TV on because the loved one thinks the people on the TV can see them, another thinks two characters on NCIS live down the street from them and are their friends. So Dave is in good company! It is all a wild wild trip! Only in FTD land!
For the first time on this journey, I'm a little concerned about him being home alone when my son goes back to his job in the schools in the fall. I'll just have to be more vigilant, make sure he's got my cell and work number in his wallet, review what to do if he falls or hurts himself...Crazy crazy crazy. Looking foward to our appointment in October with our new neurologist. Starting to make a list of his behaviors, and this will be the strangest and most telling of them all, I have a feeling.
More later. The story continues!
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